July 26, 2000 - Terrorists Stun Cedoux! (Again)

The women have done it again! Scant weeks after the IKE sign at the World Headquarters was finally fixed, another �hit� has taken place. Only this time, the spray-paint wielding terrorists have spelled out what many have long suspected - that the Ladies IKE Auxiliary was responsible for the sign snafu to begin with!

Many male members of the IKE are questioning President for Life Julian Bukowski�s leadership abilities after the latest hit. �It took months for him to finally get that darn sign fixed and now this,� said one disgruntled member.�I�m not at all happy that Bukowski has no control over these renegade lady members.�

This latest controversy was hatched when Bukowski allowed a membership to go up for grabs by women, say IKE rank and file supporters. �Now that the women are in, we�re seeing these much more blatant power grabs.� said another member. �Is nothing sacred anymore?�

Many expect that President for Life Bukowski�s tenuous hold on the IKE may have suffered a fatal blow. �All this talk about the world headquarters and fixing up the stoneboat amount to a hill of beans,� a member stated. �The only question I now have for Bukowski is when is he going to bring these women under some kind of control?� Bukowski, who is widely reported to be hiding in his garden, had no comment.

July 10, 2000 - IKE Club Going to dogs

I thought I saw it all. I would like to refer you to the real accounting of the IKE club: http://www.angelfire.com/celeb/ikeclub/

It seems the president for life JB has had his problems. First allowing females to desecrate the hallowed halls of this once prestigious group. Now there is direct evidence the prez is endorsing a dog being allowed to run for VP. Terrorists? Yes, if you define terrorists as the soul of the IKE club trying to preserve the dignity that is left. Perhaps its only time as to when the head terrorist will reveal herself, I mean himself, but in the meantime I would suggest the prez look somewhere else than to a terrorist to support the club due to delinquent members not paying their dues. Signed a friend of the IKE club!

July 8, 2000 - Appalled

As a superior female I'm appalled, at the behavior of these terrorists. I wonder if the THE PRES is at risk of this retaliation??????

July 8, 2000 - Two Local Men Injured in Freak Truck Accident, Cedoux, Sk.

The following article was taken from the Weyburn Review, circa October, 1954:

Two Local Men Injured in Freak Truck Accident, Cedoux, SK Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cedoux early Saturday morning. Weyburn City Police reported the accident shortly after midnight Sunday.

Julian Buckowski, of Cedoux and Oren Frank, Weyburn are listed in serious condition at Weyburn Union Hospital.

The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Cedoux after a duck hunting trip. On an overcast Saturday night, Frank's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out.

As a replacement fuse was not available, Buckowski noticed that a .22 caliber bullet from his rifle fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet,the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded toward Cedoux.

After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing the Creek north of Cedoux, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Buckowski in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Buckowski suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Frank sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.

"Thank God we weren't on the bridge when Julian shot his nuts off or we might both be dead" stated Frank. "I've been a police officer for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened", said the investigating officer.

July 8, 2000 - New Campaign manager

I was offered a position for campaign manager for THE PRES for his book signing, but the pay was nonnegotiable. I bet your not as cheap.

Winston replies - I pay very well in US dollars.

July 7, 2000 - President for Life May be a "Grey"

A computer-enhanced photo has revealed that IKE President for Life Julian Buckowski may in fact be an Alien! �And not only that, but he may be a �Grey�, considered to be the trickiest species in the universe� says G. Gordon Liddy, director of the Mutual UFO Network (MUFON).

The incriminating photo was taken by an innocent bystander at an IKE recruiting drive held recently in Deadwood, South Dakota. �IKE has been aggressively recruiting new members from all over the world to expand their secret �shadow� organization,� says Liddy. �It may be an attempt to organize a world-wide invasion.�

The photo was enhanced by a CRAY supercomputer using technology developed by NASA which was pioneered by �X-Ray Glasses�, sold for years in the back of Superman comics.

�IKE would be the perfect organization for a hostile takeover by aliens,� said Liddy �And we�re not talking a takeover by the Bank of Commerce here.� �IKE�s worldwide influence is growing daily and it would provide the perfect launching pad for aliens to seize control of the world�s political and financial institutions,� he said.

Meanwhile Cedoux residents are not horribly surprised by the revelations. �I always knew there was something strange about that Buckowski kid,� said one longtime resident, who did not want to be identified.

IKE Ladies Auxiliary in the NWT which inadvertently stumbled upon the plot with a botched terrorist �hit� issued only a terse statement: �Jesus Christ, Mary, Joseph and all the saints in heaven, i�ll have a heart attack and fall over dead right now on my mother�s grave if I knew anything about it, so help me god, how were we to know?�

Is it Live or is it Memorex? The computer enhanced incriminating photograph, above, reveals a very faint outline of an Alien face that MUFON says is a classic �Grey�, one of the trickiest Alien species in the universe. While some people claim they can see the face, others insist it�s just JB on a �bad hair day� The incriminating photo was taken at an IKE recruiting drive in the U.S. by an innocent bystander. �After I snapped the picture, IKE bodyguards who looked like the Men In Black from the movie tried to take my camera,� said the bystander. �I fought them off.� The untouched photo is at right.

July 7, 2000 - Female Club Members the 'Real' Supervisors

It may not be common knowledge, but the changing of the I.K.E. sign was supervised under the careful eye of one of the female members. Also the prez was unsure of his financial obligations to the family, if the sign changer plunged to his demise. I would like that to be discussed at the next bored meeting. I vote for the honorable Winston to replace the OLD president. sp

July 7, 2000 - Support Continues to Grow for Vice President For Life

You are the dog for the job. SP

Winston Vice President For Life responds... Thank you for the support. Would you be willing to run as my campaign manager?